Thar She Blows!
The following poem was written by the great George Meyer, who, according to The New Yorker, is currently at work on a novel. You can hear him read this poem on this CD, which was recorded in Los Angeles in 2003 at Beth Lapides's Un-Cabaret show "Say the Word."

Desperate Flapper

Shivering, thrashing,
Quivering, lashing,
Gnashing, and twisting askew;
Flapping profanely,
Snapping insanely:
Car-mounted red, white, and blue.

Whipping along
On a white plastic schlong,
The buffeted banner of dreams.
Fluttering madly,
Jittering badly,
Down San Vicente it screams.

When was our flag
So rapidly dragged?
When was Old Glory
So undulatory?

"Hey there," says Flaggy,
"I hate to be braggy,
But Americans don't run in fear.
You're not gonna budge us,
Flip us over and fudge us,
'Cause all of our stuff is here.

"You envy our freedom,
Our films by Hal Needham,
Like Hooper and Cannonball Run
And Stroker and Smokey.
You lie like Pinocchi-
O if you deny their good fun."

Now Flaggy's battered,
Ripped up, and tattered,
Trailing its star-spangled dreds,
Looking bedeviled,
Wild, and disheveled,
Just like Anne Heche off her meds.

Can't bear to chuck it
In the trash bucket.
That almost seems like a sin.
Ah, hell, let's face it --
It's time to replace it:
The new Lakers pennants are in.