L.C.K. of the G.O.P.
In his latest blog entry -- which I've posted below -- Louis C.K. makes an exciting announcement.
I'm running for president
I know this is going to suprise some of you, but I have decided to declare my candidacy for president of the United States of America. I am running because I love my country (Mexico) and because I think it's about time America had a president who knows how to fix everything. And I mean everything. I will fix... everything. Just, don't worry about it. I'll do whatever and it'll be great. Vote for me and you'll see.
I am running as a Republican, for many reasons. Mostly because it rhymes with "jepublican" which is an excellent word and I think it is a goddamn shame that it doesn't mean anything. When I think of all the wonderful advances in today's society, so many things are invented every day, and NONE of them have been named "Jepublican". Thus, a perfectly good word goes on with no meaning. It makes me cry.
What's so good about the word Jepublican? Well, that should be obvious. First of all, it begins with the letter J (except for on my computer screen, where there is a smudge of some old food right before the J, which could technically be considered part of the word, unless I scroll down a bit... there, now the smudge is over the "d" of "wonderful" up there.) Second of all, the word Jepublican is great because I decided that it is. Therefore, as my first act as president, I'm going to sign an executive order that says the word jepublican means "a word that closely resembles republican"
My second act as president, will be to order the invasion of South Carolina. Why? Because I think there should be another Civil war. This time, the war will also be about slavery, but it will be different. The first civil war was America's way of telling the south "hey, stop having slaves" and the second civil war will be our way of saying "seriously, that slavery you did was totally bad." So it will be sort of an emphasizing civil war, to make sure the point was made clearly. Also, I think we need another civil war so that lots of folks can play a fiddle and wear gloves that go up to the elbow.
I know a lot of you are thinking "But Louie, How will you beat George Bush, and who will be your running mate?"
Well, get a load of this, motherfuckers! I'm going to kill two birds with one stone. I am choosing George Bush as my running mate! Now any vote that he gets, goes to me. Let's see him get out of that one. Just to make sure he doesn't try to pull anything, I'm urging you all to contact president Bush and to tell him that he should make it clear to the American people that he is running in 2004 for the office of Vice President, in my first administration. Seriously, call the whitehouse today at 202-456-1111 or reach them here, and demand that he drop his run for re-election, because for him to run for both president and my vice president is complete and utter bullshit.
I hope that you will all choose to support my candidacy and that, when I'm president, you will all fuck off and leave me alone.
That's all for now, my friends...
Thanks for reading,
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