Popular Science

The following is from The Harvard Lampoon Big Book of College Life, which was co-edited by George Meyer (and Steven G. Crist), and which contains the writing of such top-flight comedy writers as Jim Downey, Ian Frazier, Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Henry Beard, Mark O'Donnell, and, of course, Meyer himself. The book was published in 1978.

[The following copy
appears below a photo
of a smiling college girl
sitting at an outdoor lunch table
with several boys.]

Do You Want to Be

She's smart, she's confident, she radiates energy and cheer. She's turned on by exciting people, places and ideas -- the kind only a top-notch school can provide. Most of all, she has something to say -- and when she says it, people listen.

How does Kristi do it? Ask friends who surround her -- if you can pull them away! They'll tell you that she does drugs. Hard drugs. The rugged, durable, we-mean-business drugs that only the folks at Benzene Labs can give you. Because we care.

You see, we're the only people who deal strictly with students. That means if you want "red devils," "blue demons," "yellow sunshine" or any other showy pill -- head straight to our competitors. They're good people too. But if you're looking for honest amphetamines at a modest cost -- from crosses to crystal -- then come to us. That's why we're here.

Since 1927