Tickle Me Emo
The following is from the website of the great Emo Philips.
Cole Slaw Recipe -- American Style
1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to a cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find money.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to stupid store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for lousy raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Ignore cashier’s ignorant snickering.
20. Buy stupid lousy raisins.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for stupid lousy miserable damned stinking carrots.
24. Drive to blasted stupid lousy store.
25. Buy lousy miserable damned stinking stupid carrots.
26. Yell at stupid ignorant Nazi redneck store personnel for laughing at you.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid lousy miserable damned stinking lousy stupid lousy miserable stupid stinking lousy carrots into bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Chase cat out door.
35. Follow cat into new neighbor’s house, surprising him in the middle of a crack deal.
36. Dive over sofa to escape automatic weapon fire, landing on cat’s tail, causing cat to jump up screeching and claw new neighbor’s eyes as he’s bending over the sofa to shoot you, enabling you to grab automatic weapon from his hand and hold it on him and other crack dealer until police arrive, arrest them, and drive you and cat to hospital, where cat’s stomach is pumped, finger is found and it’s sewn on good as new.
37. Collect reward of half of neighbor’s property from police drug dealer auction, then just buy all the ready-made coleslaw you want from a nice deli.